Live from the Katnip Lounge, The Kat Pack!

Starring: The Baby *Tiny Johnson * Felix * Rupert * Scouty * CC * Sweet Pea * Maui * May Ling * Salem

and...*Angels Grayce, KonaKitty, and Sylvester* always loved, never forgotten




Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Tubby Tuxie Tuesday

Kitties!

Salem here, and I'm a little miffed.

Mommy says I'm "tubby".  Can you believe that!  I am so NOT tubby.  I'm naturally round.


Daddy says I look like a black shoe box when I walk down the hall.
He is on my list.
I'll be reclining on the floor, minding my own beeswax, and Daddy comes up and grabs my middle and says "Give me this tummy!  GIVE me this FAT little tummy!  (an oxymoron, emphasis on the 'moron' part)
He scrubs my belly until I mew mew mew, and kick and bite him viciously with my mighty jaws.  Then Daddy says "Ow ow ow owwwwww!  You are so mean!  What a FAT mean little kitty you are!"  (Please note the idiotic juxtaposition of 'fat' and 'little')
It's beyond insufferable.


But it gets worse.  Mommy says I look like a HAM on toothpicks!


She is clearly blind.  Hams are pink and bald.
I am black & white and luxuriously furry!  And my Juicy Little Legs in NO WAY resemble toothpicks.
*hmph*


It's a good thing I'm so forgiving.
Is it snack time yet?


Happy Tuesday!

XX  Salem  XX

59 comments:

  1. Dont get upset, just demand more treats!. MOL!

    There once was a kitty named Salem,
    Whose parts were both plush and surealem.
    He got all his treats
    From his head to his feets.
    And they all ended up in his middleum...

    Oh well, we tried...

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  2. Salem....Salem....Salem....
    It's just fluff, right? You're not FAT, just a little bit ROUND....har har har *evil laughs*

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  3. Salem, My beauteous one of the JLLs, how *dare* they? How **DARE** they?? (The Human was sniggering as she read tonight's entry, but I can assure you *I*, Spitty-the-Kitty, was not)!
    I was totally outraged on your behalf! You are curvaceous, round and firm and fully-packed, just like Spitty likes his his LadyCats, and that's not even COUNTING the JLLs.
    So THERE, Mommy and Daddy. You just zip your lip if you know what's good for you. *I* can find my way to Nevada if I have to, yes I can!

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  4. MOL..My Sweet Miss Salem, Whatever you said I'm on your side !
    - just a little bit ROUND ( and ROUND, and ROUND ..MOL )
    - black & white and luxuriously furry!
    - Juicy Little Legs ( Ham ? )
    and I'm melting here....so Baaaaaaaad ; )
    xxxx

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  5. Being "miffed" must be a tuxie thing. Precious does "miffed" well! I thinks you are lookin lushus. Mebbe a well-placed pile of yak would help the pawrents be nicer!

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  6. Our human recently called one of the cats at her aunt's house a "big meatloaf". (Whisper: He's on a diet.) We're glad you put the bitey on your daddy, though. That'll teach him!

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  7. Aww, poor Salem. You're just big boned.

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  8. Okay, I've just concluded your humans are Really Weird. I mean, seriously - what kind of gibberish are they talking?

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  9. You are so kind and generous to point out the semantic deficiencies in the things your rather silly humans say. I would just sulk and be offended, but you are trying to learn them proper - and be offended too. Keep up with the biting and kicking - then maybe they'll understand it's not flab but 100% feline muscle under there. By the way, we don't usually do saunas in the morning and for some reason all us mancats are rather overheated looking at your photos. We now need to recover and cool down.

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  10. BooBoo thinks the curvy cats with the lux fur are very attractive!

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  11. Oh Salem! You looks good to us! My mom says I am fat! Hmmm! Good job biting the hu-MAN!!

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  12. It's 2:40 am. First crack out of the box I was laughing. That changed. I read yesterday's post. Think I'll get back to sleep now? Permit me to doubt. Lounger, you have a lot to answer for.

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  13. Awww, we can see its just fluff. Its kinda like a hooman wearing a big old fluffy jumper ;)xx

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  14. Poor Salem, just demand for treats!!

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  15. Gorgeous and most adorable Salem!!! Me and Charlie think you are perfectly proportioned in every way!:-) And very clever too! Yay!

    Take care
    x

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  16. It is looking like your tux still fits you Salem ~ so you must be just the right size!! ;)
    xo Catherine

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  17. I totally understand where you are coming from. When I race down the hallway to get my dinner, my mum calls after me "swing that shopping bag, Suey!". It's beyond ridiculous.

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  18. Aww they are so not true you are not fat but as mum says cuddly and cute.. Hugs GJ xx

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  19. Just more of you to love Salem :-)

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  20. i'd say you are pleasantly plump.

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  21. Can I sue your Mommy for making me choke on my breakfast over the "ham on toothpicks" remark? ;)

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  22. Oh yes...your mom is going to pay dearly for the "ham on toothpicks" remark...my mom nearly spit out her coffee she was laughing so hard.

    Humans can be so rude.

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  23. But, but, but, tuxedo cats are *supposed* to look like that!!

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  24. I can totally empathize, Salem, especially since my mom once said I looked like a horseshoe crab!

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  25. we just think there is more of you to love!!!

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  26. OMC !
    Your beans are really naughty ones saying these things to you !
    Your not big , you are just fluffy !

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  27. Oh, Salem - you not fat, it's just all that luxurious fluff makes you look that way...we're sure of it...yup.
    Hugs!
    xoxoxoxo

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  28. Salem I'm sorry to say but it appears you live with humans who don't recognize a lucious feline such as yourself...I say demerits are in order. Hugs Madi

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  29. Salem, you are down right skinny compared to our BG who we now refer to as Fatty. She is broader than she is long. We don't think you are fat either. That is so norty of Daddy to call you bad names. That certainly calls for a swift bunny kick.

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  30. Salem, we think it's wonderful there's so much of you to love! You are beautiful!

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  31. Salem, It's just the light reflecting off your gorgeous tuxie floofs! Take no notice they're just jealous!!!

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  32. Poor Salem - I think that's curvaceousness!

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  33. I say you look like you and that is purrfect!!!

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  34. Aw man, Salem, I'm sorry, I totally understand... my pawents have changed my nick name from "little man" to "little fat man" recently, so rude!

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  35. Oh my. This sounds SO familiar. The humans call ME tubby too and have put me on a diet! The nerve. At least you still get treats. Grr.

    Love, Meow-Me

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  36. Salem. In NO way are you even the teensiest bit fat! NO WAY! Lay a big bitey on Mr Crazypants next time he says that! SHOEBOX!! How dare he? How rude. The NERVE!!!

    I am outraged on your behalf.

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  37. Salem
    We think you look -- flat.
    Flat flat flat.
    And we think we see 6 pack abs too.
    Don't know what all is 'fat' talk is about.
    :)
    purrs
    >^,,^<
    ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥

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  38. big boy salem you do have juicy manly legs.

    emma and buster

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  39. Poor Salem, we feel your pain! The mom laughed but we thought it was down right MEAN. Our mom calls all of us "Puddin'". Its worse than that - Carl is "The Vacuum", "Fat Boy" or "The Melon". Mica Moo is "Waddles". I say, if they can't play nice, squirt THEM with the bottle!
    Purrs & we love your JLL's, Oui Oui

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  40. Hmmmm.We smell REVENGE!



    the critters in The Cottage xo

    P.S. You look pleasingly plump Salem which is a nice plump to be :)

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  41. "Ham on toothpicks"... LOL!

    Oh Salem, I notice that your white belleh markings give you a perfect hourglass figure.

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  42. Oh Salem, I think you are just perfect but your pawrents need a lesson. Try being naughty until they come round.

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  43. Parents can be so silly... And they're all myopic. You're just the right size and have gorgous gams. We need to introduce you to Tucker boy. Now, he's chubby. But adorable, sweet-tempered and squeezable--just like you!

    Lizzie & 3 kitties

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  44. Salem, you have NOTHING on my Aunt Beatrice. Compared to her, you look quite slender to me!

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  45. I don't think you are "tubby" or any of the other names that you have to put up with!

    There is just more of you to love!

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  46. Salem, we can't believe you gotta put up with those insults!! You better be getting caviar as your snack.

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  47. Dear Salem!
    You are a most beauteous cat! I love your zoftig curves and Your legs...well they put my sister Nellie's toothpicks to shameI think I am in Love
    Kozmo

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  48. but you are such a handsome tubby... err Tuxie kitty! just blame it on that extra fluffy furrz!

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  49. Oh Salem - who would ever call you a ham on toothpicks?!!! We love your floof. Mom calls our bellies the "mouse pouch" or the "domestic house cat pouch". And she LOVES your belly!!! She said to tell you that she would love to bury her face in that belly fur! Our mom is weird. Have we mentioned that before?

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  50. Tuxies RULE! Our body shapes are naturally 'shorter' than most cats and we have a secret super power. (I use mine when I'm being picked up) I instanly take a giant breath and expand all the extra skin like a blowfish!) My body gets so rigid That Woman say's I'm a 'doorstop' whatever that is.

    You are gorgeous and I love your tummy markings too! We tuxies are just the bomb!

    xoxo
    Ms. Jack

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  51. Sweet Salem, you're just a floofy ball of furz.
    xoxo Kassey

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  52. Ham on toothpicks! Shoebox! You're going to need a lot of treats to make up for that level of hurt.

    Nubbin wiggles,
    Oskar

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  53. Hey, Salem, you are not tubby. Don't your parents know the camera adds 10 pounds?

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Oh Boy...this is gonna be GREAT!